Because he’s so northern - so northern -
he has his tea at every meal:
And tea tea.
And he adores all those little teas inbetween:
a just-to-get-through-the-morning tea, not
a chance of black pudding, just an extra slice of toast;
a more modern northern boast.
A pre-tea tea, a bowl of Weetabix after school
just to prove that northerners rule.
A supper-tea, a little something before bed:
more toast, no dripping on his bread.
This northerner prefers chocolate spread.
All through the day, a swarm of one, a northern
locust: cereal, toast, a bacon sandwich. More sandwiches:
ham, choona, chicken and cheese. Chips, chips and
mushy peas. Rice is nice with biriani, bhuna and balti.
Spaghetti bolognaise, egg mayonnaise,
on his knee in front of the TV, plates on plates on trays on trays.
A stir fry, a Thai, a pie, a mouth as big as the sky.
More chips, bread and butter,
a chicken Kiev with garlic butter, a jacket spud with
beans and butter.
And the mash… oh, the mash…
Clear the clutter, make ready for the next tea,
pour it into the walking stomach of
a northern epicure in the 21st century.